


12 Days Of Python (and some other stuff)

by Kanra_chan



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: 12 days of Python, Author enjoys this too much, Blowjobs, Crack, I'm tired, Inappropriate Humor, Izuo - Freeform, Kissing, M/M, Maybe shizaya sex too, More Sex, NEVER EVER SAFE FOR WORK NOT ONE CHAPTER, NSFW, Sex, Smut, handjobs, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-13 06:58:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12978564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanra_chan/pseuds/Kanra_chan
Summary: Welcome to the Honey Python Christmas Special! If you don't know who that is, find out right away! Please read Spoontasti's story, A Cheap Imitation. You won't regret it. (I got permission to do this)Join us for TWELVE DAYS OF PYTHON! And see if Izaya/Shizuo enjoy some python too ;)TO BE CONTINUED NOVEMBER 2018





	1. A Lump In My Stocking

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Spoontasti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoontasti/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Cheap Imitation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3327002) by [Spoontasti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoontasti/pseuds/Spoontasti). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm posting the first chapter a few days early because, 1, I need the motivation to keep going, and 2, why not?
> 
> Now to really understand this story you NEED to read Spoontasti's story A Cheap Imitation. Also, it's just really fucking good. 
> 
> This takes place in a timeline where Shizuo and Izaya are living together right after getting home. They aren't together yet, but it won't be long.....

Christmas was right around the corner in Ikebukuro. The streets were lit with bright decorations, the smell of holiday sweets heavy in the air, and snowflakes fluttered about, cold and quick to fade once they’ve touched skin.

Izaya, thankfully, was warm inside his heated apartment. He was currently waiting for his… let’s say, _companion_ , to get out of the shower. He was bored, terribly so, and messing with Shizuo always helped alleviate such boredom.

The doorbell rang, then, and Izaya jumped to his feet a bit too quickly to answer it. He marched towards the door, opening it with his special If-you-bore-me-I’ll-stab-you smile. Of course there was a chance it'd be their captors from the island nightmare, but he was willing (and, again, bored enough) to take that chance.

He swung the door open, beaming at the mailman in the most disturbed way he could. This one was new, he noticed, and internally made a note of him. Shiro didn’t last long at all, what a shame. He was an incredibly paranoid man and always believed him when Izaya said he saw something like a spider on him. The way he flailed and panicked was the bright part of Izaya's day.

 _‘I was going to get him a tarantula for christmas.’_ He pouts, mentally.

“P-package for Orihara-san.” The new mailman says, and Izaya tries not to snicker as he deliberately ignores him. He looks just over his shoulder and starts counting.

“U-um...are you Orihara-san? Or could you…?” He trails off, taking a quick glance behind himself to see what Izaya is staring at.

 _‘Ooh! Four seconds, a new record.’_ He chuckles, out loud, and draws the mailboys attention back. He takes the small, thin package from him easily.

“Could you-That needs a signature, could you please just take this and get Orihara-san?” He asks, trying hard to remain polite.

“Which one?” Izaya asks, tilting his head with feigned innocence. The man flusters, rooting through his bag to find his address book.

“Izaya Orihara.” He answers, eyebrows drawing down when he reads the odd name off.

“There’s no one like that here, I’m sorry.” Izaya says. The guy trembles a little, frustrated and nervous, and holds his hands out to take the box back.

“I-I guess there was some mistake, I’ll just take that back now….”

“...”

“Sir, please, I need the box back.”

“I think you mean Ma’am.”

“...Really?”

“No.”

The mailman's hands ball up into fists, face going red with a flash of anger while Izaya laughs in his face. He stops when a warm hand pushes the back of his head down suddenly, Shizuo arriving in just his towel and nothing else.

“Quit messing with him, flea.” He says, pulling his hand away so Izaya can straighten back up. He scowls, reaching for the mailmans device so he can sign. The poor guys practically runs away, and Izaya shakes his head in disappointment as he closes the door.

“Why do you always ruin my fun?” He demands, pouting. He inspects the package, opening it carefully and grabbing the note that slips out before it flutters to the ground.

“Merry Christmas,” He begins to read, Shizuo plopping down on the couch and silently waiting for him to continue.

“Here’s a...dick in your mouth. I hope you enjoy this gift, Mr. Harry Potter, and I look forward to seeing if you’ll work with Honey Python again.” On the back is a crudely doodled dick and far too many hearts.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. How did he get your address?!” Shizuo demands, sitting up alarmed and livid.

“I’m honestly not sure…” He replies, picking up one of two dvds inside. It has no markings other than a big red #1 on it, the other with a green #2. He slides it in his dvd player, going to sit on the couch next to the beast and hits play on his remote.

“Let’s find out.”

The screen whirls to life, a flurry of fake snow raining down on a blond head. At first he thinks it’s Shizuo, smiling shyly at the camera, but then he realizes Shizuo would never wear booty shorts and fake reindeer horns, and nothing else as pajamas.

 _‘I wouldn’t mind if he did, though.’_ He thinks, and quickly shoves that to the back of his mind.

“Welcome, special friends!” The Shizuo lookalike greets, waving with a naughty grin. “I’m _so_ glad you’ve decided to join me.”

He shuffles over to a christmas tree, where someone is half sticking out from underneath. They’re wearing Santa Clause pants with a small stocking sticking up in between their legs. Whatever is inside, and Izaya has a pretty good guess, twitches when the blond gets close.

“Oh _my_ , it looks like Santa-san has really filled up my stocking!” He announces, brushing some fake snow aside.

“Why the fuck is it snowing indoors?” Shizuo asks, and Izaya shrugs.

“There’s a fireplace right behind him, where the stockings usually go. I don’t think we should look too deep into this one, Shizu-chan.” He answers causally. The man on screen grabs the stocking obscenely, rubbing it and making a face like he can’t possibly imagine what it could be.

“My, what a BIG LUMP in my stocking!” He says, and Izaya bursts out laughing.

“Should I make popcorn?” Izaya asks through his giggles, and Shizuo looks absolutely scandalized.

“Are we- you really want to watch this?!”

“Yup!” He grabs the remote and turns up the volume, grinning at the way Shizuo turns a fascinating shade of red.

“Time to unwrap it, I just hope I didn’t get coal!” He says, pulling the stocking off and revealing, you you guessed it, a horse.

A horse sized cock, that is.

“Mmm, just what I wanted!” He says, clapping his hands in delight. He shifts onto his knees, revealing a fake reindeer tail attached to his booty shorts. “Cock!”

Izaya loses it, clutching his stomach with how hard he’s laughing. Shizuo growls beside him, face bright red and trying hard not to break something. On screen the person under the tree sits up, and they both freeze when a man looking suspiciously like Simon from Russia Sushi emerges.

“Merry Christmas, Honey python! I’m here to deliver your present, personally.” He speaks without an accent, which is the only proof Izaya can see that he isn’t Simon.

“Oh, Santa-san! You really are real!”

“Indeed I am, and so is this big cock, just for you! Why don’t you try out your gift?”

“TURN IT OFF!” Shizu yells, climbing to his feet as fast as he can, rushing out of the room with his hands over his ears.

“Before that,” Honey Python speaks up, looking at the camera again. “I have to make sure our friends know to turn in every day for my 12 days of Python! And don’t skip, only one video every day till Christmas, okay?” He says, winking at the camera.

“Understood.” Izaya says, smirking at the screen. Oh, how he’ll be able to torture Shizuo with this.

“Now where were we, Santa-san?”

“You were about to suck this big-” Izaya turns the television off, uninterested in seeing Shizuo and Simon get it on. Still, he has plans to tune in tomorrow for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me feedback please~ And remember to check back on the 15th for chapter two! After that I'll be posting one chapter everyday till the 25th! 
> 
> And please give me comments and likes if you enjoy this, I need them to be motivated to write xD


	2. Christmas Isn't Always Happy (Sad End)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really sad when I wrote this...but no worries, the happy version is coming. I wrote it in the sme night, though I don't know how happy it was cause I wasn't feeling happy. Sorry about this, it had nothing to do with honey python, but I can't put him in them all XD 
> 
> I mean I could, but...lazy and not creative enough. So Shizaya.
> 
> Anyway I posted this super early in the morning but where I am at least it IS the 15th so...yay~ 
> 
> I was impatient XD

_“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…”_ Izaya hums under his breath, smiling as he stares out his apartment window, no one else around. The lights are off, tv on mute, and snow falling heavily over Shinjuku. It’s Christmas eve, Namie gone and swearing she won’t be within 20 miles of him till New Years. He’s alone.

 **“Everywhere you go…”** Shizuo hums quietly, watching a tv special about Hanajima Yuuhei. The lights are off and the volume is low even though it’s just him. It’s Christmas eve, snow falling heavily over Ikebukuro, Kasuka busy and he won’t have time to see Shizuo till New Years. He is alone.  
“Take a look in the five and ten, glistening once again~” Izaya sings, tenor and smooth, cheerful despite the numb feeling in his chest.

“With candy canes and silver lanes aglow.” Shizuo’s voice carries louder, deep and melodic. Somehow it masks the way his heart feels cold as the snowflakes outside, fluttering and piling like is sorrow.

 _“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,”_ He sighs, glancing towards his coat hanging over the couch.

 **“Toys in every store.”** Shizuo trails off slightly, eyes finding his keys on the table before him.

 _“But the prettiest sight to see, is the holly that..won’t be…”_ Izaya gets up, pulling on his coat and hurrying out of the house.

 **“-won’t be, on my front door…”** He grabs the keys, glaring at the floor as he ties his shoes quickly.

 _“A pair of hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots-”_ Izaya rushes, catching a late bus and heading to Ikebukuro.

 **“Are the wishes of Barney and ben.”** Shizuo takes a taxi, and directs it to a bus station near Shinjuku.

 _“Dolls that will talk and go for a walk,”_ Izaya pants, hoping off the bus and heading through the snow covered sidewalks.

 **“Is the hope of Janice and Jen.”** Shizuo catches a bus, empty, and feels relieved.

Izaya arrives at his destination, which happens to be Shizuo’s front door. He knocks, once, twice, three times and waits with a real grin. He’s cold and covered in snow, but he has a feeling he won’t have to worry about the cold much longer.

Shizuo looks up at Izaya’s apartment building, smile dimming when he sees the lights are out. Still, he takes the elevator up and rings Izaya’s doorbell. He’s cold, and hopefully Izaya will be too, so they can warm up together.

Izaya waits and waits, heart sinking and a lump of frustration building in his throat. _‘Stupid.’_ He thinks, rolling his eyes. _‘I bet you’re taking your sweet time so you can tease me about being impatient.’_

 _‘He’s messing with me.’_ Shizuo thinks, ringing the doorbell again. _‘He’s going to open the door as I start to leave and laugh.’_

Izaya knocks again, considering picking the lock.

Shizuo knocks this time, wondering if the doorbell is broken.

 _‘You’re probably with that blonde_. _'_ Izaya decides, Vorona coming to mind with a bitter sting.

 _‘If he’s with that secretary of his…’_ Shizuo scowls, swallowing hard.

 _‘I bet you’ve decided you like her better.’_ Izaya walks away, heading back home with a forced smile. 

 _‘I’m not surprised, she’s better anyway…’_ Shizuo glares at the ground, head low and shoulders hunched like he’s shelding himself from reality. 

 _“It looks like I’m alone, on Christmas…”_   Izaya sings, leaving his coat on the floor once he’s back in his apartment, alone once again.

 **“Soon the day will start…”** Shizuo sighs sadly, and slams the door harder than necessary, alone in his apartment once again.

 _ **“And my love that I haven’t seen, not with me as I sing, has crushed my heart."**_ They finish together, unknowingly.

The snow falls heavily over tokyo, cold and biting. No one is in the streets, busy with family and preparations for the day to come. Two men in different cities go to bed, refusing to admit to their loneliness and anger, lest they appear weak and lose their pride. 

Briefly, Izaya reaches for his cellphone with the urge to call Shizuo. But anger and stubborn pride rears it's ugly head. He knows it's silly, but all he can picture is Shizuo off with Vorona and it hardens his resolve. He turns on his side, away from his phone and tries in vain to sleep. 

Shizuo, half asleep and so lonely it hurts, glances to the teeshirt next to him. It's Izaya's, he'd left it here last week, and still smells strong. He stares at it, the urge to grab it strong, but pain and anger stop him. What would Izaya, of all people, be doing out this late on Christmas eve if he wasn't with someone? Or ignoring him. He sweeps his hand out and shoves the balled up shirt to the floor. He ties in vain to go to sleep, sad and frustrated. 

They see each other in their dreams, and are bitter about it come morning. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sighs) sorry it's so sad. 
> 
> So it's not python related....at all. But there are A LOT of those (along with smut) in store so don't be too disappointed! I just...well I'm sorry but it's hard to write 12 chapters of crack with the exact same premise. I mean I COULD do it, don't underestimate me and my childish ways, but there are so many other Christmas posibiliies to explore! And with at least 4 other Shizaya stories in the works, the last thing I need to do is start more separately. So the few odd ones will be here, with some smut, some python, and some miscellaneous stuff that I had to write. (shrugs) 
> 
> Anyway, the next oneshot posted will be the happy end version of this and we will get some Python after that! Yay!


	3. Christmas Isn't Always Sad (Happy End)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's beginning to look a lot like Shizaymas, it's just your luck~  
> With mentions of the holidays, and in some kinky ways ;)  
> I JUST WAAAANT THEM TO FUUUUUCKKKK!

_“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…”_ Izaya hums under his breath, smiling as he stares out his apartment window, no one else around. The lights are off, tv on mute, and snow falling heavily over Shinjuku. It’s Christmas eve, Namie gone and swearing she won’t be within 20 miles of him till New Years. He’s alone.

 **“Everywhere you go…”** Shizuo hums quietly, watching a tv special about Hanajima Yuuhei. The lights are off and the volume is low even though it’s just him. It’s Christmas eve, snow falling heavily over Ikebukuro, Kasuka busy and he won’t have time to see Shizuo till New Years. He is alone.

 _“Take a look in the five and ten, glistening once again~”_ Izaya sings, tenor and smooth, cheerful despite the numb feeling in his chest.

 **“With candy canes and silver lanes aglow.”** Shizuo’s voice carries louder, deep and melodic. Somehow it masks the way his heart feels cold as the snowflakes outside, fluttering and piling like is sorrow.

 _“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,”_ He sighs, glancing towards his coat hanging over the couch.

 **“Toys in every store.”** Shizuo trails off slightly, eyes finding his keys on the table before him.

 _“But the prettiest sight to see, is the holly that...won’t be…”_ Izaya gets up, pulling on his coat and hurrying out of the house.

 **“-won’t be, on my front door…”** He grabs the keys, glaring at the floor as he ties his shoes quickly.

 _“A pair of hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots-”_ Izaya rushes, catching a late bus and heading to Ikebukuro.

 **“Is the wish of Barney and ben!”** Shizuo takes a taxi, and directs it to a bus station near Shinjuku.

 _“Dolls that will talk and go for a walk,”_ Izaya pants, hoping off the bus and heading through the snow covered sidewalks.

 _“Is the hope of Janice and Jen.”_ Shizuo catches a bus, empty, and feels relieved.

Izaya arrives at his destination, which happens to be Shizuo’s front door. He knocks, once, twice, three times and waits with a real grin. He’s cold and covered in snow, but he has a feeling he won’t have to worry about the cold much longer.

Shizuo looks up at Izaya’s apartment building, smile dimming when he sees the lights are out. Still, he takes the elevator up and rings Izaya’s doorbell. He’s cold, and hopefully Izaya will be too, so they can warm up together.

Izaya waits and waits, heart sinking and a lump of frustration building in his throat. _‘Stupid.’_ He thinks, rolling his eyes. _‘I bet you’re taking your sweet time so you can tease me about being impatient.’_

 _‘He’s messing with me.’_ Shizuo thinks, ringing the doorbell again. _‘He’s going to open the door as I start to leave and laugh.’_

Izaya knocks again, considering picking the lock.

Shizuo knocks this time, wondering if the doorbell is broken.

 _‘You’re probably with that blonde.’_ Izaya decides once it becomes clear he's not home, Vorona coming to mind with a bitter sting.

 _'If he’s with that secretary of his…’_ Shizuo scowls, swallowing hard.

 _‘I bet you’ve decided you like her better.’_ Izaya walks away, heading back home with a forced smile.

 _‘I’m not surprised, she’s better anyway…’_ Shizuo glares at the ground, head low and shoulders hunched like he’s shelding himself.

Izaya is trudging home, trying not to show his anger and sadness. He’s not far from Shizuo’s apartment and he’s freezing cold. The snow crunches beneath him as he walks, halting when he notices an empty park. There’s a small but sturdy tree, decorated in ornaments clearly made by children, and it makes him smile some. But it’s missing something...

Shizuo is heading home, scowling and rubbing his hands together quickly. He didn’t bring gloves, in too much of a hurry, and he’s paying for it. As he nears his house he hears someone singing a familiar song, and his curiosity peaks.

 _“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go…”_ Izaya croons softly, inspecting his work with such focus that he can’t hear the crunch of boots behind him. He’s made two small snowmen in front of the tree, one with an evil smirk and the other with a scowl made from coal and twigs.

 _"There’s a tree in the grand hotel, one in the park as well…”_ Shizuo finds Izaya singing, alone in the park building snowmen. A grin breaks out when he sees their expressions, one angry and the other mischievous.

 **“The sturdy kind that doesn’t mind the snow.”** Izaya turns quickly, catching sight of Shizuo smiling at him. He huffs, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth and he forces it back to scowl poorly.

“Where were you? I waited for at least six minutes.” Izaya huffs at him, crossing his arms and obviously trying not to smile. “Were you asleep?”

“I was at your apartment.” Shizuo answers, catching Izaya off guard. Izaya laughs, chest becoming lighter and warm with a burst of happiness.

“Ne,” He starts, smiling at Shizuo.“ Let’s go already. I’m freezing.”

“Yeah I can tell, your hands and face are all red.” Shizuo huffs, taking hold of Izaya’s hand and allowing the informant lean against him.

“You’d better warm me up.” Izaya teases, smiling in a way he can’t help.

“Oh, I will.” Shizuo promises, earning a sharp poke from a hidden knife. It doesn’t slow his happiness in the slightest, and they head back to his apartment for the holiday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one sucks. I basically posted my first draft of this without fixing it up but I feel like shit and I'm depressed as hell right now so here you go. Sorry guys.


	4. Honey Python, A White and Creamy Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH SORRY THIS IS LATE I FORGOT AHHHH

“Ne, Shizu-chan,” Kanra starts, gaining her blonde lover's attention. “Doesn’t this guy kind of look like you?” Shizuka turns to look at her. She’s at Kanra’s- no, _their_ apartment, and she’s busy getting ready for work.

“Huh?” Shizuka wanders over, glancing at the phone in Kanra’s hand. On screen is a blonde man, covered in...what was that, icing?

“See?” Kanra asks, holding the phone up so she can see the man and his icing covered face/clothes better.

“Nah, I don’t think he looks like me at all.” She replies, though that’s clearly a lie.”What’s all over his clothes though? And that weird expression…” Shizuo tilts her head at the link, more confused by Kanra’s giggle. 

“There’s a link. Let’s find out…” She says slyly, clicking on it and Shizuka doesn’t protest out of curiosity. A video starts with the blonde man, who looks nothing like her, grinning at the camera. He’s got his arms up, and the camera zooms out to reveal it’s…

“What the fuck?!” Shizuka gasps, cheeks going red when she sees the man is holding a-a _penis_ in each hand. He starts stroking, naked men coming to surround him and touching themselves as well.

“Ooh, what a slutty dobleganger you have!” Kanra giggles, scrolling down on the porn site and clicking on the discription.

“Honey Python, A White and Creamy Christmas staring: Honey Python, Sloppy Joe, Big Ben, Cockmaster Mickey, the Beefy Bear Tripplets, The Bluedick Group, and Harry Pecker.”

“Ew. Turn that shit off.” Shizuka turns away, somehow more disturbed by the innuendos and puns rather than the actual porn. Kanra ignores her, busy muttering to herself about the video. She seems rather amused, and Shizuka decides to let her

“Ohh look at this Shizu-chi, you can email him suggestions!”

“That’s nice.” She mutters. _‘At least she’s not tormenting teenagers online.’_ She thinks, putting it out of her mind and heading off to work. It’s not long before she forgets the whole incident.

Until two days later, when she opens the door to find a fairly familiar man standing there.

“Is he here?” Kanra asks, coming down the stairs in an excited rush. “He is!” She gasps, when she spots him. She heads towards the door shaking his hand and inviting him in with an extremely mischievous smile.

“Hello.” Honey Python, the Honey Python, greets them. A camera crew is behind him, one camerawoman getting right in her face.  
“What the hell?” She gasps, shoving it away with a little too much force. No one comments, however.

“You must be Kanra? You were right, your girlfriend really does look like me!” He exclaims, moving a little too close to Kanra for Shizuka’s comfort.

“Just what the fuck is going on here?” Shizuka demands, ignored as the crew begin setting up in her living room. She catches Kanra’s eye, who is noticing the crew for the first time as well, and looks a little surprised herself. She can’t tell if her girlfriend is faking it or not.

“Mm, but you didn’t mention your resemblance to Harry Pecker.” Honey says, bringing a hand up to cup and lift Kanra’s head and get a good look at her face.

“Hardly.” Kanra replies, rolling her red eyes. “I’m much more attractive.”

“I can’t argue with that.” He leans even closer tilting her head from side to side. She allows this, unflinching, and Shizuka scowls. Kanra has always acted as relaxed as possible around everyone, an effective tactic in her line of work that surprisingly allows her to be taken more seriously when she doesn't back down. It also conveys her to be much less of threat than she really is.

“Hmm, you’ve got a great face for the camera.” He assesses, nodding decisively. “Are we ready to start?” He asks one of the cameramen, getting a thumbs up in return.

With that he leans in and kisses Kanra, pushing her back towards the couch. Shizuka attacks without a second thought, grabbing the back of his shirt and hauling him back and away from Kanra like he weighs nothing. He hardly flinches, giving her a smile that’s supposed to be reassuring.

“We’ll get to you in a minute, hun. We were thinking we’d introduce you as a visiting relative, so why don’t you go outside or upstairs and wait for a cue, okay?” He smiles brilliantly, handsome and calm. It's dear he's used to being listened to, and judging byhie videos he's great at taking orders as well. All in all this man is completely harmless at the least, and annoying at the worst. The best way to react to him is with a calm and informative approach that Kanra and she don't want to be in his porno.

So she punches him. Hard. 

Later, after she’s thrown everyone out and has made sure the bastards wouldn’t come back, she takes to actively ignoring her girlfriend.

“In my defense,” Kanra speaks up, finally breaking the silence that’s stretched for almost two hours. “I wasn’t aware he wanted to put us in a porno. I thought he did strictly gay stuff.”

“That _was_ gay stuff.” Shizuka hisses, cursing herself for responding. “We’re two girls, unless you’ve got another surprise for me.”

“You know what I meeaaan.” Kanra half whines, coming over to hug her. “Guy on guy. And usually more guys, going by his videos.”

“Then why did you invite him?” She hisses, and Kanra shrugs.

“I wanted to mess with you a little.” She smirks a little, struggling to keep a pleasant and deceiving smile. 

“You’re an ass.” She huffs, finally returning the hug grumpily. Kanra smiles, nuzzling her in the way she knows Shizuka can’t help but find cute.

“But you looooove me~ you know you do.”

“Stupid ant.” Yes she does. 

 


	5. Seductive Sleigh Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but this is shit. I just...I wouldn't read it. Go read better stories, I wrote the end in like 10 minutes. I'm sorry

“I hate you.”  Shizuo sighs, glaring at his companion. “I can’t believe you actually made popcorn this time.”

“I want to enjoy the experience.” Izaya responds beside him, eyes glued to the screen.

“I’m leaving.” Shizuo says, standing up from the couch and heading towards the stairs.

“That’s fine.” Izaya shrugs, tone casual. “I think I’m well enough by now to take them on my own, anyway.”

“...huh?” He turns back around, watching with irritation and affection as Izaya lazily tips his head back to stare at him with a crooked smirk.

“The gay, AC was it? He had to have gotten ahold of my address somehow. Who’s to say our captors haven’t as well? I’ve not been able to shut them all down, you know.” He turns back around, shrugging his shoulders again. “They could show up and attack, while you’re upstairs…” He trails off, letting the threat hang in the air.

“...move over.” Shizuo plops down on the couch, scowling at the television so he doesn’t have to look at Izaya’s smug face. Friggin flea.

Honey Python is frolicing through snow, probably fake going by that erection, and twirling around. Shizuo finds himself scowling harder at the pornstar wearing his face. He does not frolic, damn it, and if he did he’d at least wear some pants.

Another man joins in on screen, big and beefy but thankfully bearing no resemblance to anyone they know. Although he does look like he could be a younger Jakow, but….unfortunately, Shizuo is aware that Jakow is, well, let’s just say his python is bigger.

 _‘I hate everyone.’_ He thinks, crossing his arms and sinking further on the couch. Izaya is laughing again, probably at the acting that’s so bad a child wouldn’t believe it. Although hopefully a child would never see this. 

He glances at Izaya, shoulders losing some tension when he takes in the color of his cheeks and how his eyes aren’t sunken from exhaustion or hunger anymore. He’s made nearly a full recovery, though Shizuo can tell his hand still gives him trouble from time to time. Still, he’s lively and healthy and that’s all Shizuo really cares about.

“Hey, give me some.” He requests, glancing at Izaya’s bowl of popcorn. He's settled in comfortably, a blanket over his lap and the bowl resting in the center. 

“Make your own.” Izaya mutters, too focused on the things the two men are doing on screen. Of all things, Honey Python is riding a sleigh pulled by three men in leather bdsm suits and horse masks. He looks happy, at least. 

“Why you- just give me some!”

“This is my popcorn, Shizu-chan.” Izaya smirks at him, popping some in his mouth with exaggerated satisfaction. "Ypu didn't want any earlier, remember? And yet now you want it. Too bad, tsunderes like you can't be honest, huh?

  
“You little shit!” He snaps, making a grab for the bowl in Izaya’s lap, and Izaya jerks it away before he can make contact with the soft, buttery popcorn.

One might argue that his hand lands on something even more delicious.

“My, Shizu-chan. So forward.”

“You’re hard.” Shizuo says bluntly, hand molded over a sort of small but rather firm lump in the blanket over Izaya's lap. He's mortified, honestly, glancing at the on screen sex-slave-horse-men pulling a man who looks just like himself along. Is this what Izaya is into? 

“You didn’t even buy me dinner first, and before you try to argue the popcorn doesn’t count, I made it myself.” Izaya says, but Shizuo is too shocked to pay attention to the situation. 

“You’re really fuckin hard.”

“Chocolates would maybe have been acceptable, or some wine. I don’t really like either, but it’s a social convention you know. Just the effort would have been nice.”

“Oh my God, why are you so hard-”

“If you’re going to keep going on about this, at least find another adjective for hard.” Izaya grins at him, too calm for a man who was stiff as a metal pole. Shizuo pulls his hand away slowly, eyes still wide in shock.

“Y-you’re so… firm...and small….” Shizuo says slowly, almost worried. Izaya just rolls his eyes, reaching under the blanket over his lap.

“You're an idiot." He sighs, tugging on something and Shizuo covers his eyes with his unviolated hand. 

"Stupid, don't pull it out!" He gasps, though he can't deny that he peeks through his fingers to see.

He ends up pulling out a small knife,  one that folds and is safe and small enough to carry in your pocket, and deadpans at Shizuo. 

"Here," he starts, tossing it at Shizuo who catches it easily. His face burns when he notifies how warm the metal is. "I'll leave the room so you two can have some alone time. I don't need it, ah, excuse me, _him_ back." He deadpans, turning the television off. He leaves Shizuo there, alone on tune couch. He glances down at the small knife curiously, pulling out the blade to examine it. He frowns when he notices the initials, his initials, S.H. carved near the base. 

He has no idea what that means. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry


	6. Honey Python, Mistletoe Mischief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I skipped a day. Rest assured you will get the fill 12 chapters buuuut...maybe not all before Christmas. 
> 
> We found out rather suddenly that my great grandmother is dying so we're taking a trip to visit her before she passes so I won't have much time to write for the next few days....so sorry! ;-; Still, I hope you enjoy!

“No way.” Izaya breathes, at home in front of his computer. He’s still in his school uniform, having been too tired to change after he’d had to chase Mairu through half of Ikebukuro. The little snot had decided it would be fun to play tag with cars.

“Welcome back everyone, I’m so happy you’ve decided to join me! For those of you who are new, welcome to the show. I’m Honey Python, and I’m here to give everyone a good time.” It’s Shizuo. He’s half naked and on a bed somewhere, smiling at the camera.

“No. No way!” He gasps again, not sure if he’s delighted or terrified. Truthfully he doesn’t frequent porn sites very often, and if he does it’s more often than not so he can laugh at comments and cruise for idiots to play with. He’s never expected to find that Shizuo, Shizuo Heiwajima the beast of the school, was doing porn.

“Now I’ll remind you again, I AM over 18. I know I don’t look like it but I am legally an adult so please stop reporting me. And no, bigdaddy69, I don’t want to be your baby boy but I appreciate the offer. You can stop calling my house now, thanks!”

“You liar!” Izaya laughs, knowing for a fact Shizuo is not 18.

“Now then...let’s get down to business.” Shizuo, or should he say, Honey Python, pulls out a box from under the bed. “I might have been a little naughty...I bought myself an early christmas gift and I just can’t wait to open it.”

He opens the box, pulling out a rather gnarly green butt plug. It’s got small rounded red bumps all along it, and the base is in the shape of flat, thick green leaves. He shows it off to the camera, proudly, and pulls the lube out.

“Now I didn’t get the biggest one, the one that vibrated, because it was a bit expensive but I think this one will do just fine.” He winks, and starts undressing. Izaya clicks off at that point, having all he needs. He searches online for the dildo, the big one that vibrates apparently, and manages to find it nearly sold out on Amazon of all things.

He buys it, and gets overnight delivery. That morning when it’s delivered, he wraps it very prettily and is very careful to keep the package away from his prying sisters. He walks them to school, keeping a tight hold on his gift and a big grin on his face.

* * *

 

Shizuo has a bad feeling today. Ever since last night he’s felt nauseated and angry. He can’t explain it, but the closer he gets to school the more he wants to punch someone. Luckily he gets the opportunity when some thug tries his luck, but it only eases the irritation for a few minutes.

He suspects he has a reason for this feeling when Izaya leads him to one of the storage buildings for the gym equipment and presents him with a carefully wrapped gift.

“Merry Christmas, Shizu-chan!” Izaya coos, holding his present out proudly. He’s got the smile that always means shit is going to hit the fan and he’s the one throwing it up there. Shizuo knocks it to the ground, figuring that if it’s a bomb it’ll at least kill Izaya too.

“How mean.” He huffs, reaching down to pick his present back up. Nothing explodes, fortunately. “Is that the way to react when someone gives you a gift?”

“It is when you’re the one givin’ the gift.” Shizuo huffs, crossing his arms with a glare.

“Hm, well I’d assumed you were taught manners but...I suppose not.” Izaya sighs, catching his attention. “Your mother wouldn’t be disappointed with you, refusing a gift so rudely.”

“Don’t talk ‘bout my mother.” Shizuo growls, reaching for the present. He half expects Izaya to yank it away, but the little pest lets him take it. He starts tearing into the bright paper, yellow with green pythons, not at all Christmas themed despite the season.

He opens the box, a little disturbed by the company logo that is the silhouette of a nude woman, and is more disturbed to find what’s inside. The best way to describe it is an atrocity. Bright green, studded with shiny red balls, it’s a mistletoe themed dildo sitting inside.

“It vibrates.” Izaya informs him happily. “Just like you wanted!”

“... _huh?”_ Shizuo asks slowly, staring in disbelief at Izaya.

“I know your little secret.” Izaya grins, stepping closer to him. “And I’d like to take advantage.”

“I don’t care if people know I’m gay.” Shizuo sighs, tossing the box to the floor.

“...What? No, not that.” Izaya rolls his eyes. “Far too boring.”

“Then what…?” He trails off, eyeing the other boy with suspicion.

“Let’s just say, I know about your...python~” He leans in closer, up on his tiptoes and way too close to his face. Shizuo’s eyes widen, and he takes a step back quickly.

“That’s, uh...Sorry Izaya-kun, ’m not interested.” He says, trying to stay civil. He’s surprised to find out that Izaya apparently has a thing for him, and although he hates him, feelings are delicate.

“What?”

“I don’t like you. Sorry.”

“Wha- no! That’s not what I meant, you protozoan!” Izaya snaps, and he’s the one rolling his eyes this time.

“Look, ‘m not gonna give you shit about it. You don’t have to try so hard.”

“I know about ‘Honey python!’” Izaya snaps again, scowling at him.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not actually blonde...so, down there is uh….my natural hair color. Can you drop it? I said I’m not into out.” He feels a little amused at the way Izaya’s eyes bulge.

“Are you being this stupid on purpose?” He demands, grabbing the box from the floor and shaking the dildo at him. “Honey Python! And you are not, over 18 you liar.” Shizuo starts to check out at this point, annoyed by his rambing.

“-naughty christmas gift early! You said so, so-”

_‘Crazy flea.’_

“-half naked and talking about mistletoe dicks-”

_‘I’m gonna fuckin punch him.’_

“You were going on about _bigdaddy69_ and-”

“Okay!” Shizuo snaps, grabbing the dildo out of Izaya’s hands so he doesn’t have to watch it flop around anymore. “Look, I said I’m not interested in you! Not if we grew up together, not if we were girls, not even if we were trapped on a mysterious island somewhere with a bunch of murderers and weirdos and a big russian man who was in love with me and we made a truce and you got really sick and almost died and got better and we escaped onto a ship and on land and then you tried to make me wear booty shorts with “party in my pants” on them and left me on a subway disappearing into a crowd and I don’t know what happens next because the story isn’t finished!”

Izaya stands there, mouth agape while Shizuo breathes finally after his big speech.

“Shizu-chan...no one is going to be trapped on a island…”

“Okay.  Okay, I know, I just… sorry. That was sort of, well, harsh.” He rubs the back of his neck, glancing quickly around the storage room though he knew no one was there.

“I’m not trying to ask you out, Shizu-chan.” Izaya says very seriously, and Shizuo gulps. He feels guilty, honestly, and Izaya is trying so hard to flirt with him...it's kind of sweet, actually.

“Fine.” He crosses his arms, unable to look at his classmate. “We can go somewhere after school after you get rid of that hideous thing.” He almost doesn't believe himself, actually agreeing to a date, but the way his heart starts pounding and butterflies take flight in his stomach keeps him from taking his offer back. 

“...no. No, Shizu-chan, I don’t wanna go anywhere-”

“Geeze, you’re a real tsundere aren’t you?” He laughs. “Meet me after school. I gotta get to class, see you later, Izaya-kun.”

“But... _but_...Honey python…” Izaya mutters to himself in disbelief. He snaps out of it eventually, leaving the dildo abandoned on the floor and heading to class himself.

“Trapped together on an island, what a silly idea.” He laughs to himself, shaking his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the shade at the last part XD It was more of a dig at myself, considering spoontasi's idea is totally plausible and FREAKING AMAZING in her story and I write about them being turned into animals XDDDD 
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much for support! Sorry if I'm slow to reply to comments


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